Debunking Narcissism

The topic of narcissism is growing in popularity in conversations among people everywhere. As we become more and more aware of the concept of narcissism, we must learn to correctly identify it ourselves so we can learn how to navigate narcissism in our relationships and within ourselves. 

What is narcissism? 

There are many misconceptions out there about what narcissism truly is. We want to debunk some of those myths to discover the truth and tips to help us live life without fear of it. Narcissism by definition is an “inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.”  Narcissism is extreme self-involvement to the point where it causes one to ignore the needs of the people around them. 

Narcissism comes in many different shapes and sizes. Narcissistic tendencies and traits are common in the majority of people, but some have but some have a mental health disorder called Narcissism Personality Disorder (NPD). It’s best to look at narcissism on a spectrum because it ranges in severity from person to person. 

What does narcissism look like? 

Those who have NPD tend to have impairments in their personality functions. This can look like them consistently looking to others to regulate their self-view, seeing themselves as exceptional or superior, having incorrect levels of empathy, and living in mostly superficial relationships. 

Some common narcissistic traits are entitlement, manipulative behavior, a strong desire to be liked and admired, lack of empathy, and extreme arrogance. Narcissism carries a lack of regard for other people and their emotions. Narcissistic people tend to ignore the needs of the people around them because they're too absorbed in their world. 

People who have narcissistic traits or NPD typically don’t display this part of themselves right away. Often, they’re initially very charming, charismatic, and fun to be around, creating a sense of attraction for the people around them. They surround themselves with people who feed their egos and make them feel good about themselves. But, as comfortability sets in and relationships grow, insensitivity, aggression, and arrogance begin to rise to the surface. Their intense desire for validation and affection will shine through, making the needs of others unimportant. 

What are the 2 main types of narcissism? 

Narcissism can be split into two different categories: grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. 

Grandiose Narcissism 

Someone who operates in grandiose narcissism probably was taught that they were superior as a child. They can tend to be aggressive and dominant, coming across as very confident, non-sensitive, and elitist at times. They may be charismatic, outgoing, and self-assured, often seeking out positions of power or authority. They tend to dominate social situations and may belittle or disregard those they perceive as inferior.

Vulnerable Narcissism 

Someone with vulnerable narcissism most likely experienced neglect or abuse in their childhood. These individuals tend to have low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to criticism or rejection. They may oscillate between feelings of grandiosity and deep insecurity. Rather than openly seeking admiration, they may seek reassurance and validation from others, coming across as shy or reserved in social settings. They may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors and have difficulty forming close, trusting relationships.

How do we navigate narcissism? 

It’s important that when navigating narcissistic relationships we take time to educate ourselves. We must take the time to learn what narcissism truly is and reach out to get help if needed. 

Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and communicate your needs and boundaries. Be precise and firm, knowing what you’re willing to say “yes” and “no” to. Don’t be afraid to make decisions even if may upset the other person. You’re responsible for yourself and your emotions, not the emotional responses of others. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and communicate your needs. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Find the people in your life who love you too much to let you stay stuck in a place of hurt. Seek out counselors and other medical professionals who will help you take the right steps toward growth and healing. 

If you notice these traits and patterns in someone you know and love, we’re here to encourage you to hold onto hope. The way things feel now doesn’t have to last forever. Through wise counsel, healthy boundaries, and help from others, you can experience hope and freedom again. Click here for more resources and information.