To React or Respond?

What do you think when you hear the words “react” and “respond”? Do you treat them like they’re the same thing? Do they have the same definition? Most of us would say yes!

The truth is that reacting and responding are 2 quite different things. We are called to be people who respond, rather than react. Learning to respond well in challenging moments is key when building strong emotional and relational health. 

Respond vs React

Let’s first look at the definitions of react and respond. 

React: “An act in response to something to behave or change in a particular way when something happens, is said, etc.”

Respond: “To say something in reply.”

That’s a pretty big difference in definition! Though respond and react are synonyms, they don’t mean the same thing. 

What’s your instinct? 

The Latin root of react is, “back, to do, perform.” When we react, it’s typically to take action back at someone or something. The Latin root of respond is, “back, answer.” To respond is to answer back, usually through our words. 

We were made not just to survive, but to thrive in the life we live. When we get stuck in this place of reaction, we’re operating out of survival mode. It’s a spontaneous response that’s driven by emotion. It can be quite exhausting and can cause division in our relationships. 

Responding takes practice, thought, and intentionality. Responding is solution-oriented To respond, we have to pause in the moment, process, and then proceed. It takes putting our thoughts over our emotions. It’s not necessarily easy, but it leads to a stronger, healthier us and them. 

Take a minute to reflect. What's your instinct when things get tough, when you’re confronted with a challenging circumstance, or you’re having a difficult conversation with a difficult person?

Do your emotions lead you? Does the need to defend yourself or be seen as right outweigh the importance of protecting connection? 

How do I respond instead of react?

It’s really easy to react. It’s a part of our humanity. But, there is a better way for us. Jesus paid the way for us to be people who respond, even in the moments when we feel triggered, unsafe, stressed, or attacked.

We don’t have to be overrun by our emotions. They’re great indicators of a deeper issue, but they don’t have to dictate our actions. We can have healthy relationships and a strong emotional IQ by learning how to respond. Here are 4 very practical ways to practice responding. 

1-Be an active listener.

When faced with a situation that triggers a reaction, make a conscious effort to listen actively to the other person. Focus on understanding their perspective without immediately formulating your response. Repeat back what you've heard to ensure you understand. You can demonstrate your attentiveness.

2-Use “I” statements. 

Instead of reacting defensively or placing blame, express your feelings using "I" statements. Take ownership of what you’re feeling and experiencing. For example, say, "I feel frustrated when..." or "I am concerned about..." to convey your emotions. This eliminates the other person feeling accused or attacked. This helps create an open dialogue and encourages other people to share their feelings, too. 

3-Take a pause. 

If you feel your emotions escalating, consider taking a break from the situation. You can excuse yourself and let the other person(s) know that you need a moment to calm yourself and collect your thoughts. Take that time to take connect with Holy Spirit, take a breath, reflect, and gain perspective before returning to the conversation.

4-Empathize. 

Ask the Lord to give you a heart for the other person. Allow Him to give you an understanding of what they’re experiencing and walking through. Acknowledge and validate their emotions, even if you disagree with their viewpoint. Responding with empathy can defuse tension and create an atmosphere of safety where connection can grow. 

We can be people who know how to healthily respond in triggering moments. It’s important to know that even though connection is always the goal, it’s okay to set healthy boundaries with wisdom and discernment. Knowing our limits is also a part of responding. 

You are a powerful person. You were created to have healthy relationships and emotional safety, even in the most challenging of situations. Through the help of the Holy Spirit, self-awareness, and intentionality, you can learn how to healthily respond in all circumstances.