Overcoming Conflict
If you’ve ever been in any kind of relationship, you know that conflict is inevitable. No two people are the same so naturally as differences bump heads, disagreements arise.
Conflict is not a sign that there’s something wrong in our relationships. We have to learn how to navigate and resolve conflict in a healthy way with the right tools in order to protect and improve our connections.
Conflict is normal
The reality is that conflict is a normal part of any relationship. Conflict doesn’t mean that your relationship is unhealthy or broken. Conflict isn’t a sign to run. It’s an opportunity to press in, grow in communication skills, and pursue a deeper connection. What truly matters when conflict arises is how we handle the conflict. Each person is unique so the response to conflict will be unique. We may want to fight, take flight, or freeze.
Fight, flight, or freeze are different physical, mental, and emotional responses to perceived stressors or threats. These are a part of our body’s instinctive survival mechanisms. Let’s look at each type.
Fight
If you’re instinct is to fight, your body will begin to prepare to confront a threat and combat it. You may experience an increased heart rate, adrenaline rush, a heightened sense of alertness, or tensed muscles. This response can look like anger, aggression, and assertiveness. It can also look like running into confrontation or perpetuating it.
Flight
When conflict arises, if your go-to reaction is to run, you may be operating in flight mode. Avoidance, running away, or finding a way to escape are all markers of flight. Your main goal may be to seek safety and distance from anything threatening.
Freeze
Maybe you just freeze, stopping everything you’re doing when conflict arises hoping to buy time for the threat to die down. You may feel numb or dissociate when troubles come. Freeze mode can make you feel stuck, unable to do anything to move forward.
Understanding how you respond in stressful situations is key to being able to properly manage conflict, stress, and challenging situations more effectively.
Conflict Resolution Tools
Understanding yourself and the way you react or respond in certain moments is the first step to being able to manage conflict properly. Here are 4 tools for conflict resolution.
1-Active Listening
Give the other person your full attention and listen without interrupting. Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and perspectives, and validating their emotions even if you don't agree with their viewpoint.
2-Clear and Respectful Communication
Use "I" statements to express your feelings and concerns without blaming or accusing. Own what you’re experiencing. For example, say "I feel frustrated when things I’ve asked don’t get done," instead of "You never do what I ask."
3-Collaboration and Common Ground
Focus on the areas of agreement and shared interests. Work together to find a solution that benefits both parties. Be open to compromise and willing to make sacrifices when you feel it’s right.
4-Follow Up
After coming up with the solution, check in to make sure that what you’ve agreed upon is working. Be open to adjustments if necessary, and reflect on the conflict to learn and improve for future situations.
Remember, conflict isn’t a bad thing. It is challenging, but it’s also a beautiful opportunity to choose connection and fight for it. With these tools, intentionality, and effort you can healthily navigate conflict and bring strength and depth to your relationships.
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