Caught in the Crossfire
Have you felt trapped in the line of fire recently not knowing how to respond to dishonoring situations? Maybe you’ve wanted to run and hide from those situations. You are not alone.
Jason Vallotton says, “We’re not afraid of new relationships, we are afraid of old pain.”
Are cycles of fear and control keeping you from healthy relationships?
Are those boundaries or walls?
I was first introduced to the concept of boundaries when I was newlywed. Fear gripped my family for years and my dad in particular didn’t know how to communicate healthily. He would argue with exaggerated body language, raise his voice at me, and demand that I stay in the room until he had proved me wrong and I had appropriately changed my mind. The tactics that he used worked, causing me to always agree with his opinion. To protect myself and my new husband, I put up walls. I cut my dad completely out of my life and strictly limited my conversations with my mom because I was afraid that I would be manipulated out of my decisions and into submission to something I did not agree with or want. I was afraid of ruffling feathers with my new family.
Fast forwarding through several years of walls and disconnection, I became desperate. My connection with God felt stagnant and dull and I was hungry for change. I went in for my first Sozo appointment where I forgave my parents. I broke unhealthy soul ties and took back my healthy boundaries. God delivered me and healed me from childhood trauma! I can’t even put into words the massive change that happened in me! I learned how to be a powerful person, communicating from peace and love with the Holy Spirit rather than from a spirit of fear.
Do you feel like people walk all over you?
You are not a doormat. You are a child of the most high God.
You get the opportunity to teach people how to treat you.
A few years ago, when I worked in the real estate industry, I was once again caught in the crosshairs of fear and control. I was a very green agent and my brother had just put a contract on a new construction home and I was helping with the transaction.
Dad was always protective over us but he was especially protective over my laid-back younger brother. For some reason in Dad’s mind, he thought that I was only interested in my commission check.
Can you guess what happened next?
Dad called me and began to get activated, raising his voice, and attacking my character and my profession.
This time around, I could see the difference between the person I was before deliverance vs after deliverance. I paused.
I locked eyes with the Holy Spirit. My earthly father’s harsh voice faded away and I could feel my Heavenly Father’s presence. I felt safe where I had not felt safe before.
“Dad, this conversation is not good for me right now, so until you can speak to me in a respectful tone, I am going to have to be done with this conversation.” I said calmly. Dad’s tone suddenly matched mine as he said “I understand.” and we hung up.
I remember feeling the delight of the Father over me that I set a healthy boundary to protect our connection. Not long after, Dad called me back and lovingly apologized.
It might seem in the above example that I put up a boundary to control my father, but I was simply giving him an opportunity to choose a proper way to converse with me. If the boundaries you have put in place are to control others rather than to control yourself and protect connection then those boundaries are not boundaries, they are walls of self-preservation.
After my Sozo, I began to learn to walk out my freedom and to keep it. We must be good stewards and appropriate what Christ died for us to have.
Ephesians 6:11-20 says, 'Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. '
We stand in the authority of Christ. Our armor is Christ Himself and we are hidden in Him so why are we so quick to step outside of that protection to hide behind the fig leaves that we sewed together in our own efforts?
What are the fig leaves in your life?
Which set of armor are you wearing?
The Word says that our works are like filthy rags.
'We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. '
Our true armor is Christ Himself. His Love is all around you and in you.
Do you feel unworthy of love? If your answer is yes, then you are probably walking around feeling like you are worthy of rejection in place of love.
The fact of the matter is, you are every age you’ve ever been unless you deal with the trauma and heal. Are you looking through the lenses of a past version of yourself? If you answered yes, it’s time to book a Sozo session. You are worth the investment!
Resources: “School of Relational Health - Connection Leads to Wholeness”
